10 Ways to Become More Valuable to Yourself—and Everyone Else

By Terri Levine

Want to change the world? Start by changing yourself. Here are some ways to begin.

Don't be judgmental . Being judgmental wastes time and cuts you off from opportunities and meaningful relationships. Remember that you are not perfect. In fact, your judgment might be worse than that of the person you are judging! Each of us is unique in our appearance, thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes. Being different is not threatening, or bad. Embrace the differences and enjoy the variety. Learn to look for and recognize the good in yourself and in others.
Respect others. Don't make the mistake of thinking your rights are the only ones that count. It's everyone's fundamental right to be respected, regardless of one's social or professional position. Respect is not about material issues or where one sits on the social ladder. Respect is acknowledging another human being's dignity and treating them the way you want to be treated.
Be a good listener . How often do you really listen to what people say? Do you plan what you are going to say next while they are talking, or allow your mind to drift off instead of concentrating on their every word? It takes practice to be a good listener, but being one shows respect and allows you to better comprehend the other person's real message. You'll avoid misunderstandings and missed instructions. And the other person will appreciate your attention and return the courtesy.
Be interested—not interesting. This goes hand in hand with being a good listener. People love to talk about themselves and will delight in the opportunity to do so. Make sure you ask questions and show them you are interested in what they have to say. Have you ever met someone who only talks about himself? Judging, arguing points, interrupting the conversation and using “I” a lot are sure signs you need to review your communication skills. Count the number of times you use “I” in your conversations and try to move the focus off of yourself.
Respond from your heart . We tend to respond to others using our head, not our heart. Find something good to say about people and to people. Build people up—instead of knocking them down.
Be truthful. Honesty truly is the best policy. Nobody trusts a liar. If you've made a mistake, well, welcome to the human race! Don't lie to cover it up. Likewise, there are gentle and tactful ways of delivering truths to others. Think before you speak. Deceit will come back to haunt you, leaving you worse off than if you had just come clean in the first place.
Be helpful . What goes around, comes around. If you want people to be helpful to you, you must first be helpful to others. It doesn't matter whether this is voluntarily assisting your boss with a special project or a co-worker who is struggling with a large workload or an elderly neighbor struggling up the stairs with her arms full. People do remember kindnesses.
Maintain your integrity and dignity . You will feel better about yourself if you set high standards and stand by them. You will attract those who respect your standards and who have standards of their own. You won't get anywhere by being someone's doormat. Learn to say no gracefully. Remember, “to thine own self be true.”
Go the extra mile. Ask yourself what little touches you can offer to improve your performance. Here's an example: Who would you rather have shine your shoes? Mr. A and Mr. B both do a great job at a fair price. But Mr. B also whistles while he works and always asks about your family; he goes the extra mile. If you help a co-worker copy some documents, go the extra mile and ask if she needs a hand stapling them or collating them. Going the extra mile need not involve a large expense of time, energy or money, but its value to the recipient is often priceless, and one day, it will be reciprocated.
Say what you mean and mean what you say . Two tips: get to the point and don't make promises you can't keep. Forge a reputation for reliability. Yes, remain flexible, but remember that you don't have to bend over so far backwards that your back snaps. Be assertive, not aggressive—people will respect you much more for assertiveness than for being wishy-washy.

You can learn more about improving your work relationships through these AMA seminars:

Author Bio: Terri Levine is CEO of Coaching Instruction, a Master Certified Coach, public speaker, and the best-selling author of Stop Managing, Start Coaching , Work Yourself Happy , Coaching for an Extraordinary Life and Create Your Ideal Body . Contact her on the Web at http://www.terrilevine.com or at 215-699-4949.

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10 Ways to Become More Valuable to Yourself—and Everyone Else